We’d been there for hours;
hours of mind-numbing boredom: so much for the haunted house of Haywards Heath;
so much for the local branch of the Sussex Spirit’s Society; so much for my
first attempt at organising an all-night vigil. I prayed for something to
happen; practically sold my soul for a paranormal encounter. Be careful what
you wish for; by morning three of us would be dead; the rest irrevocably
changed. One thing’s for sure, none of us would doubt the veracity of the
Spirit world again.
Fed by an unhealthy
obsession with horror films and programmes like Most Haunted, I wanted to set
up my own paranormal investigation Meet-up group. I’d been to several ghost
evenings run by other organisations but often found them to be contrived, fake
and very unrewarding. A lot of money spent on props and technology with lots of
people jumping at their own shadows and very little actual research into what
they were looking for. God knows what would have happened should they have
actually found it!
They were less inclined to
keep open minds and saw it as an excuse to prove to everyone else how much of a
medium they were (to me they were all medium); when in actual fact they were
just charlatans.
To my mind you didn’t need
technology; just sensitive people who were open to the paranormal. You also
needed someone who didn’t believe (or
who demanded proof over supposition), someone that could keep their feet firmly
on the ground.
I advertised on Meet-Up
and carefully vetoed those people who wanted to join. Out of thirty people I
selected just five to go along with me on this first nights vigil.
Elspeth was pale, in the
wrong light it was possible to mistake her for a ghost. She was quiet; unassuming
(to a point) but full of moral objections and constantly sought the higher
ground. She was a vegan and saw that as the backbone to her extreme
sensitivity; in her own words she wasn’t sullied by dead flesh.
John was the complete
opposite. His voice were darkly hued, rich and almost mellow; he had the
ability to relax and calm almost any situation down just by talking. It helped
that he was well over six foot tall with an athletic physique. He was the cynic
in the team… well, that wasn’t strictly true. He wanted to believe but also wanted
proof not some flowery language about ectoplasm or pseudo-scientific bull.
Consequently he did not get on well with Elspeth; there was no middle ground
between them.
Nor did he get on well
with James either; and I could quite understand why: James was very full of
himself; he had the contacts; the know-how and the expertise. It was James that
secured the venue –which had remained derelict for quite some time before we
walked in. James did everything to excess and it showed; a firm believer in his
own hype and nor did he suffer fools gladly. (Of course, those so-called fools
were the ones that either disagreed with him or disbelieved him.)
Rachel’s surname was Bland
and that pretty much summed her up; unassuming in every way, no curves to her
personality. She was unsure about the paranormal; she was interested in it but
was uncommitted in that as she was in everything else. She was to be my
control.
Veronica had had a few
paranormal experiences and wanted to know more; this was her first time on a
ghost hunting expedition and had high hopes. I didn’t want to disappoint her.
Although James had picked
the venue I did my own background check on it and had to agree that it was the
perfect place to hold our first investigation; plenty of spirits we could get
in contact with, so I arranged for us to meet and, as luck would have it, we
fixed the date for Halloween itself.
Everyone was excited,
except for me as I had a lot riding on it. I wanted to prove to myself that I
could pull something off like this and finally become a success. I think that’s
what blinded me in the end and put so many people’s lives at risk.
I arrived at 8.30pm and
made sure that everything was set up: tables and chairs for each of the rooms;
drinks and food; walkie talkies for each of us. The toilet didn’t flush but I’d
brought enough water to even deal with that eventuality
James was, unsurprisingly,
the first to arrive. He’d brought his Ouija board and, although I’d expressly
forbidden any technology, his EVP recorder. “It’s pretty much my money that’s
financing this little venture; I found out about this place so you’re going to
have to indulge me, aren’t you?”
Unsurprisingly all the
women came together: strength in numbers, especially when dealing with the
occult; and John arrived last.
We’d set our base of
operations in the kitchen-dining area; James had already set things up with the
Ouija board in the centre of the room and chairs placed around it. Rachel was
the first person to talk: “So why have you kept so much of this a secret?”
“Yes, you only told us
where we were going this afternoon.” John agreed.
“I didn’t want any of you
to have any pre-conceived ideas of where we were going. I don’t want this event
to be ruined by prejudice or ego. I also don’t want you to worry yourself
unduly –which you might have done if you knew the history (which I’m sure a
couple of you do now).” I explained. “This has to be approached in a completely
detached and unemotional way; leave your ego’s at the door please, there’s no
place for them here. Let your ego get in the way and you may jeopardise my goal
tonight or even put us all at risk.”
“Just what are your goals,
Michael?” Elspeth asked. I sighed. Out of all the people I picked for this
evening I knew that Elspeth would prove the biggest problem; she had an ego
bigger than the whole group combined –and that included James as well!
“Ok; I will… and I’ll
explain why I picked this place tonight… Sorry.. we picked.” I felt James
bristle at my choice of words but he didn’t rise to it. “The two failings of
all the ghost hunting programmes and expeditions is that they’re either staged
or done for the wrong reasons. People are too interested in the glamour; they
don’t care about actually communicating with those that have passed over. To
them it’s the spectacle; the thrill of being frightened; the hype and
excitement. They’re not disciplined and become frightened by their own shadows
or the slightest noise.
“What’s more, they pay
money for the experience and so the things are staged –either with confederates
or with carefully scripted episodes. Don’t forget suggestibility plays a large
part in these things. But…” I paused and tried to gauge whether people
understood me. All but James and Elspeth were paying close heed. James just wanted
to play with his toys and Elspeth just wanted a chance to show off her skills.
“what have they missed due to their blinkered expectations? Note that the
questions are always ‘Did you hear that? It sounded like a….’ which is more
likely to elicit a similar response rather than a ‘what do you think that was?’
which is an open question and will allow more debate, and is more likely to be
debunked.”
Veronica put her hand up,
wishing to speak. “That I understand, Michael; but why choose here of all
places? You must know the history.” I
looked at James before replying.
“Yes, I’ve lived here long
enough and actually used to live in this very road, although I never met the
residents. Note that I didn’t tell you their name. If you do happen to know I
trust you to be discrete. By not knowing all names become equal and should you
hear anything at all you won’t be trying to fit it into something that is
already present in your mind.
“The history of this place
goes back many years. A white witch used to live here, believe it or not. This
is going back between the wars and she lived here for years, and was accepted
by the community. Then in the ‘60’s, before the summer of love and freak power,
the house was broken into and she was murdered. Some people say she put a curse
on the house but how is that viable or even verifiable? I tell you this so you
understand the type of thing we are working against: hyperbole, gossip,
fiction. Though we can’t call this a scientific investigation I would still
like to treat it as such.
“The place remained
derelict for a few years before a young couple moved in. They lived here for
three years before she became pregnant and the girl was actually delivered
here. They seemed very happy for the first five months then, whether it was
because of post-natal depression or mistreatment by the husband, she took the
lives of both her daughter and husband by exsanguination; she’d drugged her
husband with whiskey and sleeping tablets.”
“That’s horrible..” Rachel
said, trying hard to hold back the tears.
“Another family moved in a
few years after.” I continued. “They were expecting, but the child was still
born… and when they moved out the house remained as you see now.”
“If I had known this
beforehand there’s no way I would have joined you.” John snapped, making a move
to leave.
“You don’t strike me as
the reactionary type, John.” James replied. John whirled around.
“James does have a point.”
I agreed, if only to try and defuse the situation. “You can’t subscribe to the
view that buildings have memories, do you? That the very bricks themselves
become infused with the evil around them? That’s poppycock!”
“Well… I..”
“We’ve spoken enough times
about the nature of good and evil, especially when applying it to nature and
the animal kingdom; is this any different?” John shook his head. “If I had the
slightest feeling that you were going to react this way I would never have
invited you here. Remember what I said about the ego? Well, reactions are the
very heart of it. If you, or anyone tonight feels a reaction I would urge you
to swallow it; don’t act on it. There’s no place for the ego here tonight.
Reactions do not come from a place of truth, and that’s the only thing we’re
looking for.”
John was placated by this
and I turned to the rest. “I believe that you all have the right to know the
history of this place and, having heard, you all have the right to leave now;
but before you make up your mind know this; stone is inanimate. We seek only to
communicate, to open the door, if you will; to allow open communication with
whatever still dwells here. It can only affect us if we allow it to. We have to
physically open ourselves to it before it can do anything, and I don’t believe
there’s anyone here that stupid who would.. The Ouija board and James
contraption are the only methods we will use and they will not put us in any
form of danger, so we’ll be completely safe. So.. does anyone want to withdraw?
Please do so now…. No? Then we’ll begin.”
It all started so
innocently enough. We sat around the table with the Ouija board in the centre.
Initially our hands were simply on the table as I wanted to see whether it was
possible for the planchet to move on its own, but after ten minutes of
questions nothing happened. Even when we placed our hands on the planchet
itself nothing happened for another thirty minutes before it suddenly shifted
to the I. Everyone took a sharp intake of breath and watched as it moved from
the M to the B, then O; R; E; D.
The table then collapsed
into hilarity and the almost-reverent atmosphere I had tried so hard to create
was broken. It wasn’t hard to realise that it was James behind it.
“I’m sorry.” He said with
no prompting. “I just want to use my Spirit Box.” John rolled his eyes at this
and Elspeth looked ready to lynch him but James carried on regardless. “It
monitors AM frequencies and white noise so that the Spirits can get into
contact with us.”
“So it’s a form of short
wave radio then.” Elspeth bit back, James looked deflated. “Look, we’re not all
moron’s. Even I know that John Logie Baird, Alexander Graham Bell and Marconi
were all stanch Spiritualists. The radio, television and telephone all had
other applications; and that was to contact the other side. All your device
does is amplify those messages and monitor a wider frequency set.”
Now Rachel seemed
impressed; she had found a kindred spirit.
James went off into
another room in a huff and took John and Rachel, leaving Elspeth and Veronica
with me, and from the sounds of it they were in the living room so I suggested
we go upstairs. The family had died upstairs and I thought that Elspeth would
be able to hold a mini séance there. Of course, she had no idea where the
deaths had taken place therefore the results, if any, would not be tainted by
prior knowledge, or what I call leakage.
We stood in the centre of
the room and held hands in a semi-triangular formation..
“Is there anyone there?”
Elspeth said after breathing deeply half-a-dozen times. I used to think that it
was a necessity; part of the need to tune in, but I’ve since found that not to
be the case. I suppose even Medium’s need to market themselves and it all forms
part of the act. Nothing happened, so Elspeth tried again. Again with the heavy
breathing and looking at Veronica I was pleased that I wasn’t the only one
finding it hard to keep a straight face. I was just about to break the circle
when Elspeth said:
“Did you hear that?”
Veronica looked at me and shrugged.
“What do you think that
you heard?” Veronica asked and I winced; I knew what was going to happen next.
“Excuse me, child; I did
not think anything. I heard a young girl-child giggle. The fact that you didn’t
hear anything says more to me about your sensitivity; or lack of.” I could see
Veronica bristle at this and she was about to break the circle when we all
heard it.
It was unnerving, but
unmistakable; it was clearly the giggle of a little girl. It seemed so
incongruous in such surroundings; knowing the history of what had happened in
this room made it very sad. Elspeth seemed the most moved by this, almost
desperate to get in contact, whereas Veronica seemed unsure –she was a sceptic
despite wanting to believe and this had shocked her. I was unsure too; I wanted
to rule out other things out before I came to any conclusions. I wanted to get
James so he could verify this using his EVP recorder, but Elspeth looked at me.
“Let me try to make
contact. If she responds then you can go get James. Allow me this much,
please.”
There was something in the
way she said please; there was something else at stake that I should’ve picked
up on but I nodded. This time there were no deep breaths, no histrionics; just
a calm intensity I’d not known from her before.
“I’m speaking to the
little girl who just giggled at us. Thank you for letting us be aware of your
presence. We won’t hurt you; we just want to talk with you.” A floorboard
creaked above and Veronica winced despite herself. Then we heard a low growl,
like a large predator of some kind, followed by a whimper. Something was
definitely with us, maybe more than one thing. Elspeth had gone pale and her
hand became sweaty. She looked at me, alarm showing in her eyes and said: “Get
James.”
We could hear that he was
in the next room now and part of me wondered whether it was him making the
noises to frighten us because we’d mocked his machine, but not even he would
stoop so low.
James said one word to me
when I walked into the room they were in: “Nothing.”
“Not a damned sausage.”
Rachel agreed; John looked bored now but Rachel just looked deflated.
“James; you need to come
with me; bring your EVP.” James grinned at me and all three of them made to
follow us but I had to stop them. “Not yet.” I explained. “I’m not even sure
how James energy will affect the group dynamic in there; until I do please
could you stay here? I know this is asking a lot and I do apologise but please
stay as quiet as you can. I’ll include you both just as soon as I can.”
I walked into the room and
immediately noticed that the temperature had dropped dramatically even in the
brief time I’d been away. James noticed it too and it was obvious that he was
as interested in what was happening as I was; all pretence of ego had been
dropped. I told him nothing about what had happened, and nor did he expect me
to. He switched on the Spirit Box and stood in the circle with us as I nodded
to Elspeth.
“You can talk to us
through my friend’s recorder. We would like to help you; you need not be afraid
of us.” The Spirit Box gave off static and then a throaty chuckle. Now I was
apprehensive; nothing I had encountered before had given off this kind of
reading. James expression turned from concentration to alarm.
“Do you feel that?”
Veronica asked.
“What, the sheer
oppressiveness of the atmosphere or the fact that the temperature’s dropped at
least ten degrees in the last thirty seconds?” James replied.
“Both.”
“I’m talking to the entity
that is in here now with us. Give us a sign that you’re more than just weird
atmospheric or a creaking floorboard. Make us believe that you’re here with
us.” I said. This wasn’t an approach I normally believed in –antagonising the
spirits- but things didn’t feel right. Suddenly Rachel screamed from the next
room and we all ran to find out what had happened. She was cowering in the
corner, her hands to her face with John standing over her looking shocked.
“I never touched her!” He
said. I pushed past him and held her. She sobbed into my arms and I just held
her until she stopped. Something had traumatised her and as I gently pushed her
away I could see the livid scratch marks, vivid red, down her cheek.
The EVP crackled with
something almost unintelligible. It sounded like EROFF. We played it back a few
times before Veronica said “Enough! It said enough to us…”
“But why?” John asked.
“Why would It say enough?”
“No… it was a question.”
Elspeth said. “Enough?”
“It thinks you were
goading it, Michael.” James realised. “You asked for proof… well, you got it!
Do you want any more?”
I was beyond shock now,
someone had actually been physically harmed by… whatever it was, and I had
inadvertently provoked it. I had caused this to happen. As far as I was
concerned this was proof enough; I wanted to leave now before anyone else got
hurt.
Elspeth picked up on this.
“You can’t!” I was about to answer when
the EVP stuttered: “Nn.n.no..p.please don’t… Don’t leave me!” It was clearly
the little girls voice.
Nothing in the annals of
psychic research could hold a candle to this and James knew it. He was all for
staying now as well; he looked like the cat enjoying his cream. He didn’t give
a damn about the little girl (or whatever the hell it was.); all he was interested
in now was fame. Rachel was terrified but I knew that she couldn’t abandon the
little girl. Could I?
“We’ll stay for one more
hour.” I said, adamant. “But at the first sign of another attack on anyone I’m
going to abort and we’ll all walk. Agreed?” John, Rachel and Veronica all
agreed with no hesitation; whilst James thought about. This was more down to
self-preservation though, he didn’t like the idea of being attacked either;
which left Elspeth.
“I can’t leave her,
Michael.”
“We don’t know who or what
she is.” John replied.
“You have one hour to find
out, but I’ll carry you out if I have to.”
We all needed to be of one
mind; to have the intent to stay otherwise we would be vulnerable so I talked
to everyone and all gave their consent except for Veronica who was shaken by
what was happening.
“I don’t know.. this
wasn’t what I was expecting.” She stammered. She was obviously upset and what
Elspeth said next did nothing to help.
“You have to be sure – we
could save a soul tonight but only with your help. But without you this night
is wasted and she could well suffer for it.”
“Shut the fuck up,
Elspeth!” James snapped. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“She needs to know the
ramifications of what she’s doing. It’s not just her that is affected by her
lack of strength!”
“She has to do this from
her own volition not because you forced her into it. If anything should happen
to…”
“No… it’s ok.. I’ll be
alright.” Veronica interrupted. “There’s more than just me at stake now. I’ll
be ok.”
“Are you sure?” James
asked, but Veronica nodded.
“Well; looks like you’ve
got your chance; but you and me are going to have a serious chat about
tonight.” Elspeth grimaced at me. “What do you need us to do?”
“Draw a circle with a six
pointed start inside it. Each of you stand at one of the points and hold hands.
At no point are you to break the circle. I will stand in the centre with the
EVP.”
We did as we were
instructed and held hands against the now numbing cold.
“If nothing happens in the
next half hour I suggest we all go home.” John said after a couple of minutes.
“Sod that! I don’t think
I’ll be able to last that long!” Rachel said, but James nodded to Elspeth.
“I don’t think you’re
going to have to wait long at all. Look.”
Breath was starting to
condense in front of her and she started to speak, quietly at first. “..won’t
hurt you. Come forth little one, we won’t hurt you; we only want to help. Come
forth, little one, we don’t want to hurt you…”
“Mummy.” The EVP suddenly
sprang into life again, making us all jump. It was as if the presence was in
the circle with us; the signal was that clear.
“I’m here, baby; Mummy’s
here!”
I looked at James who was
equally as startled by this sudden change of events. He was about to point at
her when she shouted, “For God’s sake, don’t break the circle! “
There was so much anguish
in her voice that l almost called it off, but it was too late –there was only
one person that could call it off now, and she was right in the middle of it.
“I’m here, baby; come to
me.” Elspeth pleaded.
“GIRL IS MINE!” The EVP
spoke again, this time a snarl; vicious; animalistic.
“Stay away from her, you
bastard!” Elspeth shouted.
“Now, wait a minute.” John
suddenly said.
“What’s going on?” Rachel
asked, fear gripping her voice. I wanted this to be over but Elspeth showed no
signs of doing so. There was something else driving her, something that was
over-riding her awareness. Another growl shook us, followed by a frightened
scream. Veronica tried to wrench her hand away but I held firm to it.
“Don’t! It would be
disastrous now if you broke the circle. All our lives could be in danger. We
don’t know what we’re dealing with!”
Another scream from the
child stopped our deliberating; Elspeth tore her blouse open and shouted: “Come
into me child; let me protect you!”
Too late, I realised what
she intended to do and what was really going on; she shuddered and quaked,
clutching at herself and almost collapsing to the floor before straightening up
rigid, like a marionette. Now the growl came from within her.
“Elspeth, are you
alright?” Again, I was far too late to
stop Veronica from moving towards her, breaking the circle.
We might have been safe
had the circle remained unbroken…. Might.
What had been Elspeth
whirled around and knocked Virginia flying. She landed in the corner with a
sickening crack. She lay there unmoving. John ran over to check on her and just
shook his head. “She’s dead… I can’t believe it… She’s.. dead! You killed her!”
He was about to launch
himself at her but I quickly rugby tackled him before he had a chance to do so.
I shouted for James to take the Rachel in to the other room; on no account was
anyone to leave the house; too much was at stake now. Somehow we had allowed
something to cross over; we had to do something, anything to send it back. I
had no idea what that was, but my first thought was to get some distance
between me and Elspeth.
I dragged John into the
next room with me as he’d banged his head in the tackle. The thing that was
Elspeth did nothing to stop us; it was getting acclimatised to its new
environs. Besides, it knew that we could do nothing against it; it was feeding
off our fears.
I shut the door between us
and Elspeth. When I turned round an odd sight met my eyes; I saw the rest of
the group standing around a lone man sitting on one of the chairs grinning.
“Well… this is a fine mess
you’ve gotten yourself into.” He said, crossing his legs. He wore a black
leather jacket with its collar up, blue jeans and sneakers. His expression was
one of amused cynicism which was exacerbated by his fuller face and glasses.
“Who the fuck are you?” I
snapped. I’d finally reached my breaking point; I wanted to hit him; to take
him apart.
“Wait, Michael… this is
Alex Paige.” James said, stepping between me and the man. “I’ve heard of him;
he’s a writer of occult horror novels; but he knows his stuff… he’s very well
versed, and he lives around here.”
“And he just happens to be
out on a midnight stroll?” I snapped back.
“I couldn’t sleep, mate. I
could feel something was wrong so I just tracked back the feeling to here.” The
great Alex Paige replied. “Boy, you have no idea what you’re doing or what
you’ve stirred up, do you?”
I couldn’t believe what I
was hearing. “We know the history of the place. We know what we’re dealing
with.”
“The two have nothing in
common with one another. Tell me what happened up here.”
So I told him of Elspeth
and the young girl spirit and the other malevolent presence.
“And it never occurred to
you that it was one and the same?” Alex interrupted.
“Only when it was too
late.” I admitted.
“What about Elspeth, then?
What’s her story?”
I didn’t know, but Rachel
suddenly spoke. “She had a daughter who died when she was four years old; she
drowned. That’s why Elspeth became a medium in the first place.”
“Did no one think to tell
me this before now?” I snapped. No wonder everything had happened this way;
Elspeth was an open wound waiting to be exploited, she never stood a chance!
“That’s not the issue now;
the only thing you need to think about is how you’re going to deal with that in
there.” Alex placated.
“And what do you propose
we do about it?” John suddenly asked, he was just starting to get his bearings
back; he was having a hard time understanding it all. Everything was spiralling
out of control now.
“Luckily I came prepared.”
Alex replied. “I always carry some salt and Holy water with me. (Don’t ask why)
but before I go any further you have to remember two things. One: that is not
your friend in there. Whatever it is, it’s simply wearing her skin now; it’s
not her. Two: She needs to be dealt with. It’s not going to be nice but it will
have to be done. You can either stay out of it or be there with me; but if you
get in the way you will be treated as part of the problem. Are we all in
agreement?”
“No!” John suddenly
snapped back. “Who put you in command?”
“You all did when you
started fucking around with things you don’t understand. Two of you are already
dead, how large does the body count have to get before you sit up and take
action? Look, I don’t need you in there but I thought you could man up and take
some responsibility for the mess you caused. But if that’s the case then sit
the fuck down and leave me to my business.”
“I’m sorry…” John said.
“Elspeth… we..”
“It doesn’t matter.
Nothing else is important anymore; shutting that…thing down is the only thing
that matters now. This is what we’re going to do: each of you should take a
pocket full of salt; that will protect you from her. She won’t be able to
attack you physically all the time you have salt on you. You must form the
circle around her again; hold hands initially and while you have her contained
I’ll draw another circle around you with Holy water, then it will be trapped.
“I’m going to perform an
exorcism and whilst I’m doing this you need to take your dead friend away. You
won’t have much time; don’t look back, whatever you do.”
We all nodded. Rachel was
scared beyond belief but she took her portion of salt in her pocket and said.
“All we need now is vinegar in the other pocket.”
“That’s good.” Alex
replied. “Humour always helps.” He opened the door to the room where the thing
was. “Ready?”
It was the cold smell of
putrefaction that hit us upon entering the room and it was coming from her, who
was standing exactly where we left her. She turned to face us and I thought I
saw something overshadow her; an outline of the thing that had possessed her.
Her face was contorted and warped into a mask of hatred. She snarled and lunged
at us as we surrounded her. Alex was right though, she couldn’t touch us
because of the salt we had in our pockets.
I closed my eyes and
prayed to all the God’s I didn’t believe in to keep us all safe and apologised
to the people that I had brought into this. I heard Alex walk around us
intoning a blessing as he splashed the Holy water. As he finished he said Amen
and then: “You’ve got to go now. No time for Good-byes; take your friend and
leave. Run like fuck, don’t wait for me –I’ll be fine. Don’t look back; just
go.”
I thanked him nonetheless
and apologised, and took Veronica’s body with me. I walked down the stairs as
quick as I could after James and Rachel. John was behind me, or so I thought.
It wasn’t until I was down
on the street that I realised he wasn’t, but before I could go back into the
house the bedroom was suddenly engulfed in flame.
I only know what happened
because of what Alex told me afterwards: John hadn’t followed me; he still
believed that Elspeth could be saved. Unbeknownst to me, he had had a
relationship with her some years before and still carried a candle for her;
loved her still, in fact. He had smelt petrol when Alex had been walking behind
us and his fears had been realised when he walked back into the room we had
left.
Alex had just lit a makeshift petrol bomb and was just about to throw it when John knocked him to the ground. Unfortunately the bottle went flying and smashed on the floorboards
by Elspeth’s feet, splashing her with liquid fire. The screams must have been
terrible but Alex could only look in horror as John tried to rescue her.
Elspeth grabbed hold of him and engulfed him in the flames as well.
Alex knew there was no way for them to escape the circle and realised that he only had seconds before he
too was trapped. He barely made it.
Two months later; I still have nightmares of the night: Elspeth, John and Veronica; dead because of me. I started this because I wanted to know what existed on the other side. Now I know and wish to God that I had stayed ignorant.
